Today. In about 45 minutes marks your one year in this world. You came into the world after a little ” hiccup” where I gave the kind and seasoned OB RN a little scare. Nothing really, just a little too much fluid too fast. It did wake Evan and I up though. We were already…ready to shit a brick nervous and my little episode brought our ever changing reality to light.
Baby girl you were planned for, loved from conception and always at the forefront of our heart and mind.. however… we knew that a hurricane of change was coming .
You were breech at 37 weeks and we scheduled your C-section entry to be Feb 20,2018. Phew- those last two weeks were something. I was a bundle of nerves that was on display in the absurd amount of home projects and closet organizing that happened in that little window of time.
After few extra trips to the hospital for blood pressure issues and fluids, I was more than ready to see you. In truth, I did not enjoy growing you. While you were warm and cozy, letting God do his miraculous work, I was feeling all the emotions, physical pain and unsettledness. We will talk about this more at a different time.
So needless to say…..I was desperate to meet you.
Secretly, a few days before you were born I was doing squats in the exam room before I saw the doctor in hopes that it would raise my blood pressure enough for them to say- TODAY is the day!
Feb 20 2018-
Woke up after surprisingly good sleep, God is good that way.
Went for a pancake breakfast with my Dad. I will always treasure this. I had to be 8 hours no food before surgery so we went early.
Then we went to Lowes to fix a water tub faucet that ” HAD TO FIXED” you will learn that I am always working on something and I try to distract myself this way. My dad, your grandpa, is the same way and always happy to oblige.
We worked in the bathroom that morning and then time turned into a fuzzy ellipsis, bending and bowing. Evan got home around 2, grabbed the ever efficient Jimmy Johns and ate a huge sub in front of me …
We double checked the bag for the 13th time and then I remember sitting on my bed, making last minute checks when your grandpa came in and got teary. You may know him as a teddy bear… he has not always been this way. He rubbed my head and choked his words. He said, ” My baby is having a baby…”
Then that was it, we waved goodbye and went to the hospital.
Checking in like a dentist apt then given my “cute” garb. Fluids began… I had said hiccup and then the next thing I knew I was being wheeled down the hallway, without your dad to the OR.
Your mommy is very comfortable in the OR, loves it actually,but all of sudden I felt vulnerable and a little confident-scared. I hopped on the table, you still warm and safe and the I almost took out the nurse who hugged me while I was given a spinal.
Then in what seemed like 2 minutes, the room was filled with 20 people, Evan walked in a Ghostbusters suit and I was FINALLY going to meet you.
10 minutes later after some tunes blaring in the background while the OBs did their work. You were here.
You cried and were HUGE. So much bigger than I thought you would be.
They put you on my chest, your Dad and I looked at each other in disbelief.
They wheeled me down the hall and I just looked at you… you were REAL and perfect.
48 hours later… we will talk about that at a different time too. We were taking you hope.
I had a glorious moment of effervescent champagne, our couch and two pups at my feet. Ahhhh…. we were home!
This first year-
You were a hurricane.
A beautiful, curious and intelligent hurricane.
You taught me self sacrifice, operating on very little sleep, the power of the google search engine, deep and weepy kindness, risk assessment, the power of logistics and the power of a good snuggle!
You taught your father and I, to be clear communicators, you reassured us that we were indeed the DREAM TEAM, you made us laugh and gave us more than one night of late night conversation. You were the merge of two different worlds in a beautiful symbiosis.
You are. Will always be. My sunshine and hurricane. You are God’s greatest gift to us to date. You are … us.